Essential guidance for anyone who was wondering

How To Find Out What A Woman Likes In Bed

There’s a chance she doesn’t know, either

I want to send this ahead: There are two reasons that can lead to a woman not knowing what she actually wants and likes, and they are common.

The first is quite simple: mood swings. What works today might not work tomorrow, and it certainly won’t if it becomes a routine you do every single time. There are times when she is relaxed or stressed out, she may be hungry or thirsty, still have energy left after a long day or be totally exhausted by a short and relatively harmless one. I can guarantee you that if you can read her mood, that’s the first thing she’ll like about your approach.

The second reason is that a lot of women have had no time or chance to truly experiment with guys in bed, for a boatload of reasons. Nobody really teaches us guys how to surprise, engage and experiment with women, and often enough sex becomes more of a commodity than an act of friendship, trust and understanding. That can lead to a thoroughly unenjoyable sex life, and it is more common than not because frankly, us guys can be pretty dense when it comes to even understanding that sex is more than penetration for five minutes.

Ask her

Communication is an often undervalued tool in human relationships, despite continued efforts of posts like this to change that.

Admittedly, the question “so, what do you want me to do” is decidedly unsexy, but it may just be worth asking her what she’s really into, and maybe during times when you aren’t actively trying.

That question sounds helpless when you ask it as you get on top of her, but it’s perfectly fine to ask on the couch while you’re cuddling or watching TV. Just don’t ask it while she’s looking into the fridge or you end up making her crèmé brülê with some extra sugar on top.

I have a friend whom I do not even sleep with, who is generally a happy single until that one night every few weeks when she develops a craving for cuddles and a back massage, and that brings her through another month. How do I know? I asked her during a slow night, and she went on a rant about how guys always develop feelings when they massage a woman.

Extrapolate from what she already told you so far

This goes for both short- and long-term information, if you take the time to listen to her she has likely told you enough to take a wild guess, and what she told you in the hour before gives you a good opportunity to narrow things down. Now you can start with a bit of verbal teasing and role-playing, be it as cute or devious as you both are comfortable with. Go slow when she acts like she needs fast and vice versa, and see if it merely annoys her or actively pisses her off. Adapt as needed, be ready to take a step back, or switch approaches completely.

Read her body language as you experiment

By far the most fun way to explore a woman’s mind, body and sexuality is to simply try, and see how she reacts. Her body will tell you pretty clearly what kind of touches she likes, and the look in her eyes can tell you if your words are working.

There is a lot of ambiguity in play here, especially when you are still basically getting to know each other.

Make a sexual bucket list together